Not everything succeeds, right? Not all TV is for everyone. Well this list is proof that this is the case for most of the TV watching population in Australia in 2019.
The programs in this list prove that reality variants aren’t always ratings winners, and that for every drama hit there’s more than one drama miss. As for live variety – there is the talent to make it work, maybe they just need to not be noted to death/cancellation.
So here’s our list of didn’t fires, what was thats, and please god make it stops for you to pull apart and criticise…
Molk’s Worst 5
THE PROPOSAL (Seven)
Luke Jacobz did his absolute best to keep this train wreck of an excuse of a show on the rails. He couldn’t. The Proposal offered the question nobody asked: “What happens if we mix a Miss Australia pageant with a dating show and make like this is for real?”. The audience answered: “We don’t care, we’re not watching.”
BAD MOTHERS (Nine)
We were promised bad mothers, but what we were delivered was more like inept mothers. Slightly naughty mothers. Kind of scheming mothers. Above all, this show committed the ultimate TV sin: they were really Boring Mothers.
CHRIS LILLEY’S LUNATICS (Netflix)
Chris Lilley is a lunatic, and not in a good way.
CHANGING ROOMS (10)
Poor NatBass. She had to front this dull heritage reboot that was so bad it got cancelled before the run finished and we were promised we’d see the remaining eps before the end of the year. At time of publication they are still to air.
90210 (10/Fox)
It leaned hard on the hope that nostalgia would get this part mockumentary, part whatever-the-fuck-it-was across the line. It nearly didn’t make it, and when it did get there it was DOA.
Other noteable programs: Instant Hotel (Seven), The Real Dirty Dancing (Seven), The All-New Full Monty (Seven), The Super Switch (Seven), Bride and Prejudice (Seven), Seachange (Nine), The new AFL Footy Show (Nine), Murphy Brown (10), My Life Is Murder (10).
Kevin Perry’s Worst 5
Today (Nine)
Georgie Gardner couldn’t deliver a sincere smile. Tom Steinfort couldn’t get the bored expression of his face. Weather jester Stevie Jacobs didn’t want to go outside. Tony Jones didn’t want to be there at all. The only person from this trainwreck that can hold their head up high is Deborah Knight, a mighty effort considering she was regularly forced to refer to dingbat Pauline Hanson as a “social commentator”.
The Drum (ABC)
Oh so highly educated Sydney centric intellectuals competing against each other to see who can make the most ponderous statement. Lecturing the world on what we are doing wrong with our lives. This is the ABC at its worst. A low budget version of Q&A, that is nothing more than a pretentious snore-fest.
The Super Switch (Seven)
I’ve selected The Super Switch but honestly, it could have been just about any reality show on Seven this year. Instant Hotel, The Proposal, Zumbo’s Just Desserts, Bride and Prejudice, Real Dirty Dancing, MKR, House Rules, They all blur together into a beige package of poorly produced, uninspired, cheap dribble which the nation rightly chose to ignore.
Squinters (ABC)
Ever since James Corden found viral success with Carpool Karaoke, producers have been obsessed with sticking camera’s into cars. The second season of Squinters was a particular lowlight this year. A bunch of D-grade performers who need to learn just because you are saying crude words loudly, it doesn’t make it funny.
Ballers (Fox Showcase/HBO)
Once a brash, over-the-top comedy focussed on the excesses of US Football, the final season of Ballers descended into an unwatchable bore-fest as the highest-paid man in showbiz Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, used his HBO pulpit to lecture the world on racial-division. It could only be seen as a desperately shallow failed attempt at winning an Emmy.
Rob McKnight’s Worst 5
SATURDAY NIGHT ROVE (10)
It’s the show that killed variety TV in Australia with 10’s Head of Content Beverly McGarvey saying if they couldn’t find success with Rove spearheading the format, there wasn’t much hope (for variety television). While I had high hopes for Rove’s show it failed to come up with the right format. I still believe there’s an appetite for variety TV in this country but just like reality TV it will need to be stripped weeknights in order to generate a real following. Unfortunately, this just wasn’t the show to do that.
THE TODAY SHOW (Nine)
The less said about Today’s 2019 Annus horribilis the better.
DAYBREAK (Netflix)
This Ferris Buller’s Day Off wannabe set in a world where adults have turned into zombies just didn’t do it for me. 20 minutes in and I was out! I will most likely give it another go at some stage but time is precious and this was just terrible.
THE PROPOSAL (Seven)
Oh Seven, this is probably the shining light of what terrible tv really looks like.
MODERN FAMILY (Seven)
As a big fan of this show the last few years have been a struggle. It’s obvious producers are out of ideas and most situations just feel fake and forced these days. In the early years the characters were believable, if flawed. Now they are just two dimensional caricatures put in situations that bear no resemblance to real life. I have only watched one episode so far of the final season and I haven’t been rushing back for more, although I will see it through for old times sake.
Aaron Ryan’s Worst 5
SATURDAY NIGHT ROVE (10)
10 probably will not try variety again in the foreseeable future due to the failing of this show. Shout out to 10 – people do want variety, they just don’t want this stinking show!
THE BLOCK (Nine)
This is probably a little controversial given the love for the show at the Logies at the high ratings. I just can’t stand this shite. 15 seasons and it’s the same thing over and over again. Why do you people keep watching this?
AUSTRALIAN SPARTAN (Seven)
Dragged out for the second season on 7mate and then banished to 10:30pm after 2 episodes. This was definitely the dorky second cousin, once removed, of Australian Ninja Warrior. Mind you, I did watch all 5 episodes.
TRIAL BY KYLE (10)
700k normally in the time slot for Gogglebox – around 200k hung around to watch this stupidity. I LOVE Judge Judy but there is some realism in her show. These were actors doing very badly at their job.
CELEBRITY NAME GAME (10)
Counted about 6 minutes per episode of game playing. The rest is just padded out attempts at humour. The show is now off to 10 Bold. Bring back Blankety Blanks (as per Rob McKnight’s great suggestion).
Nobody mentioned Sunday Night Take Away
Hi Phin – true. Probably because nobody thought that SNT made the Top 5 worst. Personally I thought it was good however not resourced properly and not given the opportunity to be what it could be. There were much worse things on TV this year than Sunday Night Takeaway.
Are there other shows we missed that you think should have been in this list?